There are a lot of really, really excellent authors on Substack. Folks that write far better than I can, whether their wheelhouse is fiction, poetry, politics, gardening, or just life in general. I truly enjoy getting lost in a good piece of writing.
Certain things tend to bring that feeling to a grinding halt. These are the written equivalent of what Buddy Rich used to refer to as clams as he chewed out his poor band. The following non-exhaustive list of items truly grinds my gears.
Exclamation Points. I have never been persuaded by anyone shouting at me. Seriously, shouting is what people do when they have already lost the argument. My mental chart measures the intelligence of what is being said/written in inverse proportion to the volume being used.
For some arbitrary reason, I find all caps less annoying but I presume it is moronic either way.
Simple Spelling and Grammatical Errors. I follow a well known author who admitted that he sometimes puts spelling errors in his writing deliberately to catch people’s attention. I immediately rended (rent?) my garments in grief.
The “mistake” catches my attention all right. So much so that I entirely lose my immersion in the written world and forget all of the content except for the error. I then have to talk myself down and reread the whole bloody thing.
A caveat: I am not insisting on the King’s English. Use of argot is not a mistake, it is a legitimate stylistic choice. Just do it right, for Pete’s sake.
“Obviously” and “Clearly”. These words are used by folks who cannot support their assertions and are hoping no one will notice. They contribute no value to the discourse whatsoever.
“Always” and “Never.” I take these as a personal challenge to find exceptions. It usually takes very little time and effort to conceptualize those exceptions. If you were to ask me if I had ever traveled to the North Pole, I would say, “not to my recollection”. You know, just in case I was once sound asleep or anesthetized and somebody flew me there and back without my knowledge.
Yes, I know I am pedantic.
I leave you with a song, of course. A throwback to the 90’s. Do I really need to explain?
Robert B. Hubbell can write and is accurately reporting the news.